Weaning from Breastfeeding: Stopping Gently, for Baby and for You

“He's one already, how long are you going to keep nursing him?” Or the opposite: “Already? You're stopping at three months?” Whatever you decide, someone will have an opinion. Yet weaning from breastfeeding, al-fitam (الفطام) in Arabic, is first of all a matter between you and your child.

Whether you stop to go back to work, because you are exhausted, because you are pregnant, or simply because the time feels right, the key is to go gradually: for your breasts, which need to slow down their production, and for your child, who needs to find other comforts. As for our grandmothers' methods, they deserve a little sorting.

When to wean? A decision that belongs to you

The WHO and UNICEF recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months, then continued breastfeeding up to 2 years or beyond, alongside suitable foods from 6 months. These guidelines describe what best protects the health of children and mothers. They do not turn every earlier ending into a failure.

“There is no ideal age to wean a baby,” sums up Naître et grandir. In Morocco, many families also know the Quranic verse that speaks of two full years of breastfeeding for the mother who wishes to see it through (Surah Al-Baqara, verse 233). The same verse says that if father and mother agree together to wean the child before two years, they commit no fault.

If you are hesitating, Naître et grandir suggests asking yourself what is weighing on you: sometimes a small adjustment is enough, such as keeping just a few feeds. When you go back to work, for example, breastfeeding can continue in another form: see our article on breastfeeding after returning to work.

Natural weaning or planned weaning?

There are two ways to wean, and they are often combined:

• natural weaning, led by the child: he nurses less and less until he stops. Left to his own pace, a child generally stops nursing between 2 and 4 years old, according to Naître et grandir;
• planned weaning, decided by the mother before the child shows he is ready. La Leche League France finds it more satisfying for everyone when it is planned and gradual.

Beware of a common trap: a baby who suddenly refuses the breast is not necessarily weaning. More often it is a “nursing strike”, a temporary one, which we cover in the FAQ.

Weaning gradually, one feed at a time

The guidelines agree: you drop one feed at a time, and you give your body time to adapt.

1. Start with one daytime feed. The mpedia paediatricians suggest the midday one. The morning and evening feeds, often the most precious for the child, go last.
2. Wait until your breasts soften before dropping the next one: 2 to 3 days according to mpedia, 3 to 4 days according to Naître et grandir.
3. Never drop two feeds in a row, insist Naître et grandir and the INSPQ.
4. Allow about four weeks for complete weaning. Faster is often hard on you and on your baby.
5. Avoid weaning while your child is ill: he needs the comfort of the breast then.

With an older child, the rule is to stop offering the breast without brutally refusing it when he asks. What helps: delaying the feed by offering a game or a snack, shortening it, changing habits such as the chair or the place. Dad can take over, for example by giving breakfast in place of the morning feed, suggests La Leche League.

What to replace the feeds with

It all depends on your child's age.

• Before 6 months, milk remains his only food: your expressed milk or, failing that, the milk your paediatrician recommends. The choice is made together with them.
• Between 6 and 12 months, a snack or a meal can replace some feeds, as part of introducing solid foods. But milk remains the main food until one year, the INSPQ reminds us: if you stop completely, talk to the paediatrician about which milk to give.
• For drinking, after 6 months, breastfed babies often prefer a beaker or a cup, notes Naître et grandir, and the INSPQ advises offering one often from that age.
• Cow's milk only becomes a possible drink around 9 to 12 months, and only if the child eats a varied diet with enough iron-rich foods, specifies Naître et grandir. Otherwise, you wait until 12 months.

After one year, the child eats at the table: our article on meals for 1 to 3 year olds gives the guidelines.

From the shop

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Your breasts during and after weaning

By dropping feeds one by one, you let your production decrease without pain. That is what limits the risk of engorgement and mastitis, remind Naître et grandir and the INSPQ, and the Geneva University Hospitals (HUG) also recommend gradual weaning to avoid breast pain.

If a breast gets tight anyway:

• express a little milk, just enough to feel relief, by hand or with a pump;
• or put baby back to the breast for a few minutes, even a few days after the last feed if the tightness returns;
• wear a comfortable bra that supports without squeezing;
• apply cold, and take a painkiller recommended by your pharmacist if needed.

After complete weaning, a few drops may still appear, for instance when you think of your child or see his things: this is normal, according to Naître et grandir. A red, hot, painful breast with a fever, on the other hand, is a warning sign: see our article on engorgement and mastitis.

The emotions of weaning, for him and for you

For a toddler, the breast is not just a meal. It is a refuge, a way to fall asleep, a way to be comforted. Naître et grandir puts it simply: “It's weaning from the breast, not from cuddles!” So multiply the rocking, massages and stories, especially at the times when the feed is missed. Between 13 and 18 months, separation anxiety often makes this stage more delicate, notes La Leche League.

For your part, every emotion is possible. A weaning you did not choose can leave a feeling of failure, La Leche League points out, whereas a weaning that comes at the right time brings more of a sense of accomplishment. Talk about it with people around you, without feeling you have to justify yourself.

Bitter substances, separation, bandages: what are traditional methods worth?

Weaning advice is passed down from generation to generation, in the Maghreb as elsewhere. It starts from a good intention: helping the mother “get it over with quickly”. But some of it is useless, and some is harsh on both mother and child.

• A bitter or hot substance on the nipple. La Leche League France lists such practices around the world: the bitter juice of aloe (sabr, الصبر) in Tunisia, chilli in Latin America, mustard in France, charcoal to “disguise” the breast and frighten the child. It regrets that such a strong relationship ends “on such a dark and negative note”. What is put on the nipple ends up in the child's mouth, and can irritate the skin of the breast. It is pointless if you wean gradually.
• Sending the child to his grandmother for a few days so he “forgets”. Separation is then added to the sudden stop of the breast. La Leche League describes these methods as hard on the child and on the relationship, and your breasts will not have been prepared either.
• Binding or tightly wrapping the chest. Compressing the breast encourages blocked ducts, according to Naître et grandir. A comfortable bra is enough.
• Drinking less to “cut off” the milk. Pointless: drinking less does not stop milk any faster, the Royal Women's Hospital in Melbourne reminds us.

What our elders did understand, on the other hand, is the importance of the people around you. A grandmother who gives the afternoon snack, a dad who puts the child to bed, an aunt who takes him out to play at feeding time: those are real helps for weaning.