Why Is My Baby Crying? Understanding Crying and Soothing Without Burning Out

He has eaten, he has been changed, he has no fever, and yet he cries. Again. When your baby is crying and you cannot work out why, minutes feel like hours, and everyone around you has an explanation: he is hungry, he is cold, he has picked up bad habits.

Crying is in fact his main way of communicating, reminds Quebec’s Institut national de santé publique (INSPQ). Here is what is normal, what soothes, what should raise the alarm, and how to protect you both when exhaustion takes over.

How much crying is normal?

According to Naître et grandir, a baby cries about two hours a day on average; France’s Assurance maladie speaks of 2 to 3 hours in a healthy baby. The UK’s NHS, the INSPQ and Naître et grandir describe the same curve:

A spell often lasts around 45 minutes, sometimes up to 2 hours. And late afternoon and evening are when babies are hardest to console, notes the NHS.

When these intense spells keep coming in a healthy baby, we talk about colic: our article on baby colic is devoted to it.

Why is my baby crying? The checklist

First go through the simple needs, the ones cited by the NHS and Naître et grandir:

A stuffy nose makes sucking hard for a baby: our article on nose cleaning shows how to clear it. Later, teething joins in.

Does comforting your baby spoil them?

No. Naître et grandir is categorical: a baby never cries to manipulate, and comforting them every time they cry cannot spoil them. The INSPQ adds that they learn their needs are being taken care of, and Santé.fr confirms that responding to crying does not make a child spoiled. Responding quickly and calmly helps them feel loved and safe, and become calmer.

You often hear that a baby who is carried too much “gets used to arms”: none of the public health sources we consulted says that about a newborn.

What soothes a crying baby

No technique works every time, and what worked yesterday can fail tonight, warns the INSPQ. Try, one after the other:

• the breast, if breastfed: sucking comforts as much as it feeds;
• contact: in your arms, skin-to-skin, or in a baby carrier;
• movement: rocking, walking, a stroll with the pushchair;
• soft, steady background sound: your voice, a lullaby, the sound of rain or waves;
• calm: less light, less noise, fewer people around;
• a caress: gently rub his back, with baby against you or face down across your lap;
• a lukewarm bath: it calms some babies and winds others up, notes the NHS; the Assurance maladie recommends water at 37 °C.

Watch out for the opposite excess: too much rocking and singing can also stop him falling asleep, remarks the NHS. And if he falls asleep in the pushchair, the rocker or the car seat, put him back as soon as possible on a firm, flat surface in his cot: that is the rule of safe sleep.

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When should crying raise the alarm?

Unusual crying can be the sign of an illness. The NHS cites a cry that does not sound like their usual cry, or continuous crying that nothing calms, and lists a weak, very high-pitched or continuous cry among the emergency signs. Santé.fr adds that pain often produces a different, more piercing cry.

The INSPQ asks you to see a doctor when your baby cries inconsolably and also behaves differently, is not eating, not sleeping, has a fever, vomits, has abnormal stools or may have been injured. Naître et grandir adds blood in the stools, excessive crying that continues after 3 months and poor weight gain. For fever, our article on baby fever gives the thresholds by age.

From around 6 months, some babies cry so hard that they stop breathing for a few seconds, even briefly lose consciousness: this is a breath-holding spell. The INSPQ considers it harmless, since breathing starts again by itself, but asks you to see a doctor if it happens before 6 months or lasts more than a minute.

When you cannot take any more: handing over

Being at the end of your tether in front of crying that will not stop is neither abnormal nor shameful, especially during the nfissa, the forty days after birth, when the body is recovering and nights are broken. What matters is having a plan, the one suggested by the Assurance maladie, the INSPQ, Naître et grandir and the NHS:

1. Hand over: dad, grandmother, an aunt or a trusted friend can take the “crying shift” while you go out or sleep.
2. On your own? Put baby down safely: on their back, in their cot, with nothing around, then close the door and leave the room.
3. Breathe: a few slow, deep breaths, a glass of water, a call to someone you trust.
4. Go back to check about every 10 minutes, but only pick them up again once you are calm.

Leaving a baby to cry for a few minutes in a safe cot is not dangerous, Santé.fr admits. Shaking them always is.

If exhaustion sets in, talk to your doctor, as Santé.fr advises. Our article on the baby blues and postpartum depression helps you tell the difference, and our article for new dads gives ideas for taking a share of the nights.

Shaken baby syndrome: what everyone around the baby must know

Shaking a baby can cause serious brain damage. According to the Assurance maladie, this head injury, caused by violent shaking, leads to death in more than 10% of cases and to lasting damage in 75% of cases: developmental delay, epilepsy, paralysis, vision or hearing problems. It mostly affects babies under one year old, two thirds of them before 6 months, and most often happens when an exhausted adult is exasperated by crying.

The people responsible are most often fathers or people who look after the child, the Assurance maladie specifies. So explain the dangers of shaking to everyone who looks after your baby: dad, nanny, grandparents, older siblings.

The signs that should alert you after a shaking: unusual drowsiness, a floppy baby or, on the contrary, a stiff one, seizures, pauses in breathing, vomiting for no reason, loss of smiles and babbling, abnormal eye movements. If you think a baby may have been shaken, call 141 immediately: early care limits the damage. While waiting for help, if they vomit or have a seizure, lay them on their side.