Living with Infertility as a Couple: Emotions, Family Pressure, Support

Every month, the wait, then the disappointment. The appointments, the blood tests, the silences in the car on the way home. And at every family gathering, the same question: 'So, still nothing?' Dealing with infertility is rarely a solo experience: it runs through the couple, with its hopes, its wounds and sometimes its misunderstandings.

If you are reading this, perhaps the road to a baby is longer than you expected. This text will not give you a recipe. It simply wants to put words on what you feel, help you protect yourselves from outside pressure, and point you to where you can find support.

What you feel is common, and legitimate

Sadness, anger, anxiety, a sense of injustice, jealousy at other people's pregnancies, loss of self-confidence: these emotions come up in every account gathered by researchers. The WHO lists stress, depression, anxiety and lowered self-esteem among couples affected. These are not signs of weakness but the normal response to a long, uncertain trial.

A study carried out in 2023 with 14 couples followed at the assisted reproduction centre in Rabat, published in 2025 in Frontiers in Reproductive Health, shows it well: suffering grows with time and after each treatment failure. The women there often describe more visible distress; some men say they suffer just as much, but without showing it.

You do not have to 'stay positive' all the time. There are days when you hope, and days when you cannot go on. Both have their place.

Nobody is 'to blame'

This may be the most important thing to remember. The WHO is clear: infertility can come from the man, the woman, both, or remain unexplained. The UK's NHS estimates that no cause is found in about a quarter of cases.

Yet in many societies it is the woman who is looked at first. The WHO notes that women are often perceived as infertile, whatever their actual fertility. In Morocco, a study by the Radius think tank, carried out with the association MAPA and presented by Le Matin in 2021, calls the idea that the woman alone is responsible a false belief, and reminds us that fertility and virility are two different things.

In practice, this means tests are done together, from the start. For the man, a semen analysis is simple and non-invasive: it is explained in our article on male fertility. The stages of the couple's work-up are detailed in infertility: when to see a doctor and which tests. A result, whatever it is, is never a fault: it is information that lets you move forward.

Family pressure: protecting yourselves without falling out with everyone

'You should see such-and-such fqih', 'My neighbour took this herb', 'What are you waiting for?' Questions and advice, even well meant, hurt. In the Rabat study, repeated questions from family and friends pushed many couples to isolate themselves, and many kept their treatment secret.

A few ways to take back control:

• Decide together what you say, and to whom. You do not have to tell everything, or lie: 'That's between us' is a complete answer.
• Prepare a ready-made sentence, to say without justifying yourselves. Repeating it calmly eventually discourages the questions.
• Choose an ally in each family, a sister, an aunt, a brother, who knows the situation and can steer the conversation away when needed.
• Give yourselves the right to step aside: cut a visit short, skip a sbou3 (the baby's naming celebration, a week after birth) or a birth party if it is too hard this month.
• Be wary of the remedies offered by relatives: the study presented by Le Matin notes that turning to traditional medicine mostly delays diagnosis.

Within the couple: talking, even when you are not living the same thing

The wait is not lived the same way by two people. One needs to talk about it every day, the other stays silent so as not to worry, or takes refuge in work. These differences are common, and they do not mean the other does not care.

The NHS stresses that the stress of infertility can strain the relationship and reduce desire. The ASRM notes that the stress of trying can lower sexual satisfaction and how often you have sex. When intimacy shrinks to a calendar, it suffers. A few ideas help:

• Set aside moments with no 'baby topic': an outing, a meal, a walk where you talk about something else.
• Say what you need, rather than waiting for the other to guess: 'Tonight I just need you to listen.'
• Decide the stages together: how far to go with treatment, for how long, on what budget.
• Remember that stress does not 'block' everything: the Mayo Clinic believes it is unlikely to prevent a pregnancy on its own. 'Just relax and it will happen' is therefore unfair. Looking after yourself is for living better, not for 'deserving' a pregnancy.

In the Rabat study, some couples mentioned tension, even the threat of divorce. If arguments set in, joint support can stop the ordeal turning into a gulf.

The medical journey, an ordeal in itself

Tests, stimulation, artificial insemination or IVF in Morocco: each stage brings its share of hope and waiting. The WHO describes, in accounts gathered in 2025, journeys that are often long, with unclear information and high cost. In Morocco, the study presented by Le Matin put the cost of assisted reproduction in 2021 at 25,000 to 45,000 DH, a figure to check today with your centre.

A few things that lighten the load:

• Ask the doctor to explain each stage and note your questions before the consultation.
• Go to appointments together when you can: shared information stops one of you carrying everything.
• Plan how you will handle the wait for results and possible bad news: who to tell, how to regroup afterwards.

If you are going through pregnancy losses, our article on recurrent miscarriages can help you understand the tests that are offered.

Where to find support

A psychologist or psychiatrist can support you, alone or as a couple, at any point in the journey. The Rabat researchers recommend building psychological support into fertility care, along with peer support groups. You can ask your gynaecologist or fertility centre whether they work with a psychologist.

Patient associations exist too: the Moroccan association MAPA (Association Marocaine des Aspirants à la Maternité et à la Paternité) was a partner in the 2021 study cited above. Find out about its current activities before contacting it.

Chosen loved ones count in the end: a friend who has been through a similar journey, a brother who listens without advising. One reliable confidant is worth more than a whole family kept informed.